MY WANT LIST
This list will help you focus on behaviors that will help you flourish and achieve more optimum
performance in your life. Failure to think about where you want to go and how you want to get
there is like stepping on the accelerator and letting go of the steering wheel. You will move, but
you will have no control over the direction or the best way to arrive at your destination.
1.What in my life do I want more of? (Things you already have but want more of)
To be more comfortable with myself; this would allow me to explore the various aspects
of life especially in trying new things (oil changes, etc).
2. What don’t I have that I’d like added to my life?
I don’t have the feeling that my life is fulfilled. I feel as if I’m held back and unable to
fulfill my true potential. Or in other words that although I have surrounded myself with
everything the Gospel says I should have to have a happy and fulfilled life that in fact I don’t
have that one single thing that would complete me. I need to find resolution and comfort in that
sacrifice.
3. What do I have that I’d like to eliminate?
I want to eliminate that constant feeling and knowing that there is something else
destined for me. Something beyond the horizon. Since I cant have it because I have made a
covenant not to seek after those things and that I do not want to cause pain and suffering to
Jessica or the kids.
4.What do I have that I’d like to change?
Primarily, the one major thing I would like to change is my weight. I have let depression
and the emptiness of my life rule my physical body. I have in the past number of years not
concerned myself with food consumption or physical exercise. I don’t like the fact that I look like
my mother.
5. What have I dreamed about or always wanted to do but just haven’t taken steps to achieve, for
whatever reason(s)?
What I dream about I cant have. What I desire I cant have. At least in the sense of having
a male relationship. It bothers me that what people see in a homosexual relationship is sex.
They don’t see the emotional connection or the intimacy.
As for other aspects of my life what I want is to be a better father. I have taken some
outstanding courses for being a better parent but I have failed to implement them in my life and
in the life of my children. I think it’s because the program required better thinking rather than
emotional reaction. And I’ve found it difficult to think rather than to react to situations.
6. What would I do to be different in my life?
I’ve always fancied myself as a proactive, go-getting, achiever. What it turns out to be is
that if it is too difficult or beyond my natural talent I avoid doing whatever it is that needs to be
done.
7. In the life area of relationships, what do I want?
I want my relationship with my wife to be fulfilling. I want to feel satisfied with the
choice that I have made to be with her.
I want my relationship with each of my children to be one where they know that I love
them no matter what. That they are of value and that I care deeply and honestly for them.
8. In the life area of leisure, what do I want?
I have a pretty good life that way. I get to do what I like. I am sure I could put down I
want to travel to exotic places. But in reality we get to do some pretty good things.
I do wish there was more time in the day so I could complete more reading, but I cant
change the laws of physics and there must be limits – even to the good things.
9. When I think about my finances, what do I want?
Our finances are good. We work hard to meet our financial obligations every month and i feel genuinely that
the Lord has blessed us. Could things be improved in that regards? Sure. but then it is a wish that many have.
I want my wife to not worry about the money so much.
10. What do I want in the area of health and wellness?
I want to loose 90lbs by the start of July 2011. I want my blood pressure to be within
normal limits.
11. What do I want in the life area of work/career?
I want to complete my BS in Nursing and become an ER Nurse near the beginning of 2013.
12. What do I want in the life area of spirituality?
I want to be able to serve more. I want my Spirituality to be practical and honest. I want
to build Zion, not wait for it.
13. When I think about making a difference in my world or being of service, what do I want?
I want to help people who have lost hope. I want to be able to serve people in a medical
capacity, emotional capacity, or in whatever capacity they need.
14. What have I been dreaming about that I really, really, really want?
Again, what I really, really, really, want… is not going to be.
What I want is to be comfortable with the choice that has been given me.
15. What values direct your life and are you getting where you want to be as result of your values?
Duty, Obligation, Loyalty, Integrity, Love. These are the values that present themselves in my life. And to be honest, I feel bound by duty and obligation. I feel hemmed in and very confined. As for integrity I try very hard to do what I say and stand for what I believe, but sometimes what I believe is not what the Church
believes.
As for love. It was always given me what I’ve sought even when I didn’t realize that’s
what I needed or had.
16.Slow down and ask yourself: what are you doing that’s working, not working, what do you need
to be doing less of, what are you not doing that you need to try out to see if it works?
What hasn’t worked for me is the constant reminder that my life is not fulfilled. That I am living
a lie. Though it has diminished, that feeling still resides within me. I am not looking to destroy or
remove my same gender attraction. Honestly, I would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that I said I
would be obedient to the covenants I have made. I have grown to love my wife and my children
and I would be devastated and destroyed if I hurt them in any way. If I was single at this time I
would be in a male relationship and would not be participant in the Church as an institute. I would continue to
live my life in a manor I thought and felt was such as Jesus Christ would want me to live. I have
seen healthy homosexual unions and know that they are possible. But what I want is to learn to
live comfortable within the choices I have made previous to my realization.
Integrity means a great deal to me. As does duty and obligation. They are the cornerstone of
my being. I am willing and have chosen to sacrifice that part of me because I love my family and
I am bound by my word.
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